I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
