I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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