I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
