well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
