I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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