I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just want nice things and good sex
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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