there was a trapeze. enough said
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
