it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
