I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
