even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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