yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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