Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
