Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
