i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
