who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
