My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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