A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
