I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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