Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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