I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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