I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
