The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
