it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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