apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
