I skipped work to stalk him.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
