idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
