it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
