I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
