first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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