9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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