pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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