She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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