I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
