C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
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eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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