I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
