So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
