How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
