hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
