u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
