dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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