So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
