She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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