you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
