Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
