You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
