like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
