I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
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And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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