I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
