doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
