R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
