just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
