Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
