break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
barbara walters just said penis...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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