if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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