Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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