Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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