it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
