I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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