i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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