I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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