More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think my moral compass just broke
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
