I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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