I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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