I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
