Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
