Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
