I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
