dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
