Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize