Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
